He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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