ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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