this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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