I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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