You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she pinky promised me she was 18
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
