Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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