if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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