our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
