Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
