Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
