The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
