You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
