Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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