wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
