The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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