she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
