I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
