You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
