It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
