Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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