I could have mohawked her pubes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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