Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
