Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
