If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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