I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She needs sedatives and a leash
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
