You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
