Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize