in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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