I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am naked and annoyed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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