Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
