i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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