just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
