Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
