We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
