Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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