I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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