I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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