I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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