i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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