Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
