Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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