It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
