Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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