i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
