it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
