A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
