We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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