just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
