she smelled like a LAN party
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
