he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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