I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
