Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
