There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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