At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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