Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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