Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
