Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
